Greetings All ~
Duality has been on my mind lately. One of its definitions is "an instance of opposition or contrast between two concepts or two aspects of something; a dualism." As I meditate and observe our world at present, so many of our challenges seem to be supported by this concept. The idea that one specific choice or way of life is the only way creates a divisive way of thinking and acting. It upholds the ego's myth, that there are only two ways to view things, as simply good or bad.
How about adding a third way? Why can't it be Both? Personally, I have struggled with some aspects of recent revelations about gender identities. I realize that it is similar to how others feel about racial integration or feminism, neither of which I've ever had a problem with. I've never seen a reason that there can't be the third choice for these—a Both. But I'm an old cis woman, and my confusion comes from having to examine something that was once considered so very basic. Yet, I do realize that historically there has always been a spectrum of genders, and only recently has this issue come out for recognition.
And there's that word: issue. Issue transmutes into resistance, rather than contemplation or exploration. It is a foundation for that dualistic way of thought. My ego's fear of accepting a new version of gender identification can translate into a "problem."
To bring it down a bit: I have the ability understand and even admire why a person spent time and energy going through university to get a degree in economics, only to decide it's not for them. Instead of heading to Wall Street, they use some of that knowledge to start an NGO to save baby elephants. Some may judge that choice as a waste of time and resources. I say, "Good for them! They found themselves."
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not a hater on any of the gender stuff. I'm working on it, with the realization that much of our society is, too. There are other things I've had to examine in my life and dredge myself out of the bog of duality and integrate to that third way. Mostly it's gotten down to recognizing that the other's viewpoint is their karma and their right. Then allowing them and myself to evolve at our own pace and in our own time.
I have been fortunate enough to have people close to me who allowed me to ask questions without feeling stupid or obsolete. And that's the other side of it. I've learned from them to have patience for another's misunderstanding of my viewpoints. I've had several conversations with men about the #metoo movement. It has taken a LOT sometimes. Having them "get it" while honoring their point of view has been challenging (and not always successful).
It can get sticky. There can be noise and static. I can fool myself into thinking I've got it all down and I know what's right. Then, something comes along and shatters that notion. I am forced to look at it again, to re-examine. It is simple, complex and humbling—all at once.
But a third way, this Both, is like the Buddhist philosophy of Emptiness, that on a cellular level, everything is connected to everything. That it is all...just...here. That third way equates to One. When we really accept and know it, we can act from that magically strong place of compassion, having the faith that something or someone has value—even if we don't quite know why it's working for us.
And don't we all just want to be understood? And maybe try to understand.
All Good Things,
Vicky Rose
image above: Lonely Metropolitan,1932, by Herbert Bayer.