Greetings All ~
Ah, this life!
We are constantly presented with gifts and challenges. Sometimes they come in the same package. Recently, I was confronted with a decision and I had to say no to something/someone. I was really, really questioning my decision. Every person I ran it by (some of them the most generous people I know) had the same initial response I had. "No, don't do it—you're right." "Your decision is OK." Still, guilt kept creeping in.
I set firm boundaries for myself. And yet, the person to whom I had outlined them and agreed to them still managed to push just slightly past them. I have realized a few things about this. First, even though they agreed to my stipulations, they never really meant to. They were going get theirs—and always intended to. That was a very important realization for me regarding this person's personality. And looking back, I saw that's the way it had always been and not just with me. So, it is something to bear in mind for future interactions and none of my business karmically. It also erased the guilt. Second, the adjustments made were actually reasonable, well thought out, and didn't impinge on my considerations.
My biggest take away from this was that boundaries can act as a wall that block the ability to be boundless. Enforcing a boundary just for the sake of keeping it (let's call it ego) is rarely the best use of one. Sometimes there are situations that truly involve life or death. Physical safety certainly trumps all. This wasn't one of those. So, jumping up and down and saying, "That's not what we agreed to!" wasn't necessary or even logical.
Having flexible boundaries allows for one's own flexibility as well. If someone breaks an agreement with you, all bets are off. (Bye-bye guilt.) Our choices actually widen. It doesn't mean we're not "Standing in our Truth," it is simply being and acting in the moment.
Now here it gets tricky. Some folks, when given an inch, take a mile, and then boundaries have to be set again and yet again. Moving through that can be a challenge to our autonomy and to the relationship—not to mention exhausting. (Think of a relentless 13 year-old on steroids.) But we needn't decide or comply immediately. And often, as things unfold, the lines are redrawn for us by circumstances. It is simply being able to trust.
We are now in a time that demands boundaries and constant flexibility.
It seems like everything we plan has to be penciled in. We don't know what's coming next. When we live strictly, change becomes hard. It creates tension, and even pain. Malleable lines can keep us relaxed and ready to move and flex when it's time to move over, under, around, forward or even to step back. Realizing these things and honing those skills gives us the chance to see and act upon so much more. That's the bigger picture stuff.
Boundaries that are set by self-care, rather than fear or ego, are legitimate. That source tends to make the lines more moveable and open to so much more that is available, and to a larger version of ourselves. It is simply being boundless.
To be boundless...who doesn't want that?
Solstice Blessings. May our light grow with that of the coming days.
All Good Things,
Vicky Rose
