Greetings All ~
I am really liking this getting older business. I realize I am blessed with solid genetics, the knowledge and practice of mostly healthy habits, the financial ability to see them through, and a use of prayer and meditation through yoga and the 12-step program to ward off stress. So on those levels, it's pretty OK.
But the thing I'm really, really enjoying about aging is that I'm no longer worried about being "cool." I am less and less concerned about wondering if others like me or even agree with me. The idea of fitting in is a diminishing priority.
The tropes of wearing the right clothes, having the right accoutrements or eating the hip new diet are all going by the wayside. In this life, I've gone from being the "good girl," to the "rock-and-roll rebel," to the "perfect mother," to the "lock-step Scientologist" and into a "devoted Kundalini Yogini." You will note that all of these identities have quotations marks around them.
These roles were dictated by someone else's concept of how to "be." Having considered myself so free-thinking and independent, this has not been easy to admit.
I thought I would be happy if I gained admiration by fitting in with those ideas. Even the act of "Standing in my own Truth" or "Being my Authentic Self" was colored by the way I assumed it would appear to others. Ironic, isn't it.
Obligations outside myself have dwindled and my life has become more spacious. There's now time to decide what I'd like to put in that space, and how much I want to put in it.
I don't have to be a good girl: I know I'm a good person. I don't have to be any kind of rebel: I've learned the inclination to fight or resist is misdirected energy. I don't have to be a perfect mother: the sons are grown and out. I don't have to be a lock-step or devoted anything: I'm simply trying to walk my path as I see it.
I don't have to agree to preconceived perfections to add value to the world. And even more importantly, I don't have to expect that of others.
Don't get me wrong—there's not regret here. I'm not wishing for a better past. All the experiences mentioned contributed their own special flavors and knowledge. These things helped sift through that which didn't serve. They brought me to where I am today.
It's like panning for gold. I'm finding the nuggets.
Am I immune to fads and phases? Nah. Some of them are (and were) just plain fun. But I am learning to choose them for interest and curiosity rather than admiration and identity. Like maturity, the difficulties of lockdowns can provide a slower pace and more space for us.
So, as hard as it may seem, maybe the young'uns will have the opportunity to learn this sooner than I!
All Good Things,
VickyRose